I was thinking about this today precisely because joy is the last thing I feel at the moment. Sure there are moments of joy when I see my love reflected back at me in the faces of my children. Or when I share a funny moment with a friend. But generally speaking I feel like I have lost the joy in my world.
I don’t know where it has gone, flitting away from me like a butterfly, I sense it, I desperately want it but damnit it keeps getting away. More importantly I feel like I don’t even know where to look for it?
I used to find joy in lots of everyday things like coffee or reading or having a bath or cooking or baking. But lately my heart isn’t in any of those things. I sometimes find myself staring off into the distance missing whole chunks of conversation because I’m in this bubble that I cant seem to get out of, like having your ears submerged in a bath and everything sounds warbled. That’s my life right now.
Maybe this is depression. Maybe this is what it feels like. When you see your life as if it’s not your own? I don’t really want an answer, I just want to throw this question out in to the universe…..
